Growth is messy. We want it to be linear, but it’s not. Some days we are leaping forward, other times we get knocked off our feet and feel like we’re farther from our goal than we were years ago. We want to think that our growth is largely dependent on what we do, rather than focusing on who we are becoming or who we’ve been revealed to be.
My youngest son is 5. The other day he spilled his drink on the carpet. I was upstairs when it happened but eventually he came up and told me he wanted to show me something. He walked me over to the area and I saw a towel on the floor where he had attempted to clean up the mess. As he told me about the accident, he began to cry. I’m not usually bothered by these things, but this time I felt excited – he had cleaned it up! He had taken responsibility for the spill, retrieved a towel, and sopped up the liquid. Where he saw failure, mistake, carelessness, I saw growth! I saw maturity! Nearly every other time in the past, he has relied on me to handle stuff like this. But this time, he took the matter into his own hands and calmly cleaned it up before coming to me. I was proud of him and impressed that he had taken the initiative.
Our growth can look like failure. It can look like a mistake. It can look like an accident. But just because we feel like we’re taking a step backward, it doesn’t mean that our emotional or spiritual maturity isn’t moving forward! So often, we measure our success or growth by what we are doing instead of who we are being. I guarantee you that who you are being is far more significant than any tangible accomplishment you can point to.
And, I’m not talking about being nice or kind or honest or that sort of thing. I’m sure you’re a decent person. But, are you taking risks? Are you being a visionary? Are you inspiring others? Are you choosing courage? Are you accepting responsibility and taking ownership of your life? Are you challenging perceptions of yourself? Are you pushing through those boundaries that you had set for yourself? Are you thinking different thoughts? Are you engaging new ideas?
Most of us have these ridiculous standards for ourselves. We discount the things we are doing and learning just because they are not as impressive as someone else. We think that we’re not a visionary because we’re not Elon Musk. We think we’re not being very inspiring, because no one is knocking on our door asking for our autograph. But you never know who is watching. I see people all the time who inspire me…and I just never get a chance to tell them.
However, it’s true that we see growth in others much more easily than we see it in ourselves. For ex. a couple years ago, I did the 80-Day Obsession workout with BeachBody. I was not in very good shape. It was embarrassing. There was a lot of jiggling. It felt like failure. It felt like a cruel admission of all the ways I’d failed my body for so long. Every time I took a break, every time I had to pause the video or adjust my clothes, I felt ashamed. I struggled to see that just starting was a step in a good direction.
I have also launched an online business that didn’t take off the way I’d thought it would. The main portion of the business was videos and being on camera made me feel sick to my stomach. The day I launched it, I hit “publish” and literally ran out of my house, tears of anxiety streaming down my face. Six miles later, I felt like a person again. I knew people did this kind of thing all day every day, but putting myself out there was one of the bravest things I’ve ever done. And, the funny thing is – nothing happened. My site was kind of a flop. I had put all this time, effort, and money into it and it was a failure.
BUT, eventually I was able to see that both of those experiences were the result of, and the catalyst for, massive personal growth.
See, “failing” is actually a guarantor of success because it means that you are trying something new. The biggest problem is that we stop letting ourselves fail. We just give up! All we see is the failure in front of us and we don’t see the growth.
A few months ago, SpaceX did a “hop test” of their Starship prototype. They were testing to see if it could ascend 8-miles high and do a turn in the air. Unlike all their other astonishingly successful Falcon-9 landings, after the Starship went 7+ miles in the air, it exploded when it touched down and completely disintegrated. Boston.com reported, “Despite the catastrophic ending, {Elon Musk} was thrilled.“ The SpaceX team celebrated.
You know what most of the headlines said? “Starship explodes” “crash-lands” “crashes in a fireball” “Starship fails to land successfully,” etc. Very few headlines, if any, lauded the rocket’s success. But, when everyone else was focused on the crash landing, Musk was believing he was one step closer to landing people on Mars.
Growth can look and feel like failure… if we let it. We must choose to see beyond the results right in front of us and go deeper than that. What did we learn? What fears did we overcome? Did we step out of our comfort zone? Did we challenge ourselves? How are we different because of that experience?
I love the saying, “fail forward.” Keep going. Don’t give up. Give yourself permission to be messy and make mistakes. Allow yourself to burn to the ground and celebrate the attempt, anyway. Laugh at yourself, feel the fear, and do the thing you’re afraid to do!
You are growing and becoming more of who you already are, and it’s beautiful.
Remember, a crash-landing is what it looks like to be reaching for the stars.